The Guilt Trip Saloon Cafe
by DChan87
Summary: Adam's had it rough ever since a Takashi was declared dead on Kerberos, and running into the former cadet Keith Kogane reminds him of Takashi. But sharing coffee with the former cadet and discussing what Shiro means to both of them helps change his mind and move on. Past Shadam/Adashi


Arizona's hot, dry climate always bothered Adam. He didn't like it here. He was used to it, certainly, but that didn't mean he had to like it. But, he didn't often complain about the weather so much, he knew what he signed up for when he came to the Garrison. But what was he supposed to do to keep his ex-boyfriend's fate out of his mind.

Takashi "Shiro" Shirogane...

He cursed himself again for thinking about him. Had he been born in an earlier, more homophobic time, someone would've made a Brokeback Mountain "I wish I knew how to quit you!" joke. But to be honest, despite drifting apart from Takashi in the weeks leading up to the failed Kerberos mission, those words rang through his head almost every single day. He could easily get through most days, living his life as best he could, continuing his work, etc. Other days, the simplest mention of the Kerberos Mission caused an entire day's worth of introspection and thinking.

One time, he'd had the misfortune of asking Iverson about why he was in such a bad mood, and Iverson replied off-the-cuff that Katie Holt had been caught sneaking into the Garrison's intranet. He didn't get over his guilt and worrying for two days. Although he did find it strange that a young boy who happened to resemble Matt Holt suddenly showed up at the Garrison one day. He had to give that Pidge Gunderson kid credit for his intelligence, though. His only problem was that he had the rotten luck of being saddled up with the mediocre pilot Lance McClain. He did have the also-brilliant Hunk Garrett on his team, though.

But the Kerberos Mission was six months ago. Any chance of finding what happened to the crew was a futile effort. The Garrison and government couldn't even agree on the correct procedure for an investigation. And to be honest, it made him suspicious. Takashi might've been sick, but he was too good a pilot to suddenly crash the ship. Unfortunately, he was one man against the Garrison and government's entire bureaucracies. Starting an investigation would be a nightmare.

So, he kept it to himself for now. And as much as he wanted to think about it, he reminded himself that he'd already told Takashi that he wasn't going to wait for him. He was going to move on. Taking a deep breath, he took a physical step forward, which he believed would symbolize the new step in life he was about to take when he heard the roar of a hoverbike engine die and someone calling his name.

"Professor [UNKNOWN LAST NAME]?"

Adam looked up, startled, but calmed down. A young man, sitting on the hoverbike, was floating towards him. The boy removed his goggles and the handkerchief covering his mouth, allowing Adam to recognize him. "Cadet Kogane," he said.

Keith Kogane, once one of the Garrison's brightest cadets, sat on his red-painted hoverbike. Removing his helmet and shaking out his hair, the young man gazed at him. "What are you doing here?"

"Just doing some shopping," Adam answered, holding up the bag. "What about you?"

"Same thing," Keith said, pointing at the bags tied down behind him.

"Where'd you get that jacket?" Adam asked.

"Goodwill store on the Rez," Keith answered.

"Which one?"

"Havasupai," said Keith. "I play guitar for tourists at the Lodge."

"Oh," said Adam.

Adam happened to glanced to his right and noticed the Saloon Café they were in front of. The establishment's name was in fact Guilt Trip Saloon Café. "Want to grab some coffee?"

"Isn't that unethical?"

"I'll notify my superiors," Adam answered. "But don't worry. I just want to talk about Shiro."

"Shiro, huh?" Keith asked. "Sure. Just let me park first." Keith killed the engine and the hoverbike dropped into the parking spot right in front of the café entrance, prompting Adam to raise an eyebrow. Hopping off the bike, Keith waited for Adam, but his former teacher gestured for him to go first. So Keith entered first.

The café used to be a saloon back in the Old West and kept some of that old appearance for the sake of continuity. At the same time, oodles of Wild West kitsch lined the walls; cowboy hats, six shooters, jackalopes, a picture of a rodeo clown, and a stuffed bison head, were all examples. The bar, which once served alcohol to cowboys, was still there, on the right side of the building as they entered. Coffee makers sat on the counter behind the bar, across from airpots that one of the baristas was pouring coffee from. There was also a door that led to the kitchen. Keith could smell the eggs cooking. In the back, stairs let to the upper floors that were once where the practitioners of world's oldest profession conducted their business. Now they were just apartments. A group of senior citizens were gathered in the middle of the café's left side. They were discussing politics.

"Good afternoon, gentlemen," said the barista from behind the counter. "What would you like?"

"Latte, please," said Adam.

"Coffee. Black." Keith answered. The barista poured Keith's coffee and got to work on Adam's latte. "So now what?"

"Just find a seat."

"Let's sit by the window," said Adam.

The two of them walked over to a table by a window on the right side of the café and sat down. Adam waited a couple of minutes for his latte to arrive before he finally spoke up. Well actually, it wasn't until after he took the first sip of latte that he finally spoke. "So… what have you been doing since you were kicked out?"

Keith, who'd already begun to drink his own coffee, almost coughed it up. He did cough a couple of times until he was able to get a handle of himself again. "I don't like talking about it," he said.

"Oh," Adam murmured. Officially, Keith had been expelled because of a "discipline" issue. However, that clearly wasn't the case. The kid had been a hot-headed kid with a massive chip on his shoulder for years, and the Garrison had been looking for any excuse to kick him out. After the Kerberos Mission failure, Keith had an outburst, declaring that there was no way that Shiro would ever crash a ship as important as the one that he flew to Kerberos. Adam didn't know the whole story, but before he knew it, Keith was expelled from the Garrison. Rumors quickly swirled that he socked Iverson's left eye, but Adam suspected the obvious answer, that the Garrison used that excuse to kick Keith out.

Takashi himself had told Adam that he had numerous arguments with Garrison staff about Keith's behavior. Keith was an orphan, whose firefighter father died after running into a burning building, and his mother was nowhere to be found. Had it not been for Takashi, this talented kid would be languishing in an orphanage and public school. And judging by his demeanor, likely end up behind bars or out on the street.

"I miss Shiro," Keith finally spoke up.

"Be thankful that Shiro gave you a shot," he said.

He heard Keith humming a new song; it was a song from a musical popular in the 2010s. Keith was quiet, but Adam could hear him singing.

" _I am not throwing away my… shot.  
I am not throwing away my… shot.  
Yeah, I'm just like my country,  
I'm young, scrappy and hungry  
And I'm not throwing away my shot_"

"You like _Hamilton_?" Adam asked.

"Yeah, I see myself in Alex," said Keith. "Except for the getting shot part."

"So what do you want to talk about?" Keith asked, "Shiro?"

"Not yet," said Adam. "Is there something you'd like to talk about?"

"Well, if it helps, there's something I've been meaning to tell someone," said Keith.

"What is it?"

Keith reached into his pocket, pulled out his phone and handed it to Adam. Adam scrolled through the photos until he came across pictures of cave markings. "What is this?"

"I don't know," said Keith. "After getting booted from the Garrison, I felt… lost and found myself drawn out to a shack in the middle of the desert. Then I felt drawn to something out in the Grand Canyon near the Havazupai Rez. But it was like… something, some energy was telling me to search. Then I found those rock carvings. They all depict a giant blue lion."

"A giant blue lion?" Adam asked.

"Yeah," said Keith. "I looked, took some pictures and took them to the cultural center at the Rez to get some clues, but… they said that those carvings were hoaxes. I even took 'em to ASU and NAU. No one knew what they were."

"Most likely they were too busy to investigate something some kid brought in," said Adam.

"That's what one person said," Keith answered.

"Maybe they are hoaxes," said Adam.

"There's no way they're hoaxes," said Keith. "I don't know what it is, but it looks like they're all in different styles. They've got to be centuries old. And they all point to some big event happening."

"How do you know that?"

"I don't know. That's the conclusion I've come to from looking at all those cave drawings."

"And you expected to just walk into a professor's office, show him these pictures, and he'd just believe you like happens in the movies?"

"… Well, when you put it _that_ way…"

Adam sighed and handed the papers back to Keith. There was one time that Keith had turned in an assignment that didn't have any citations, but the information was solid and backed up his conclusions. It wasn't entirely like this, but similar enough for Adam to be reminded of it right now. Of course, cave etchings are a totally different subject from the theories of piloting and such. The kid was just so naturally good at it, that he passed him, anyway. But he felt satisfied knowing that Keith had a solid grasp on the scientific method, even if it wasn't his best subject in school.

"It's good work," said Adam.

"Thanks," Keith replied.

"I forgot to ask; how are you holding up in that…"

"A shack," Keith answered. He sipped his coffee. "There's not much in there. Sometimes I just spend the whole day staring at a map on a board. Or I just practice on my guitar, or go out on my hoverbike, or I listen to the radio. What about you?"

"I don't live in a shack, but I'm doing alright," said Adam. "The Garrison hasn't burned down without you around."

"Thanks," Keith grumbled.

"I think we all took a big hit in morale when the Kerberos Mission was lost," said Adam. "Me especially. I still don't know if the Garrison knows everything."

"You and Shiro were always close," said Keith.

"Of course," said Adam. "I always admired him when we were cadets."

"Shiro was the one person who never gave up on me," said Keith. "I know he didn't crash. The Garrison's lying, but… I can't prove it."

Adam was silenced by the kid's confident declaration. Once again, Takashi's face flashed in his mind. They were pilot cadets again, testing each other's nerve and skill. Adam could rarely ever beat him, but when he did, he celebrated—and Takashi congratulated him. He was never the jealous type; always loyal, always dedicated, always faithful. He just happened to have a strong, committed desire to go to space. Looking at Keith, Adam could tell that was why Takashi took an interest in him. He was just like Takashi, in a way. And with the right training, he could surpass Takashi. And it allowed Adam to finally come out and tell Keith about him and Takashi. "Just before he left, I told Shiro that I wasn't going to wait for him again," he said.

Keith opened his mouth, but nothing came out. He opened it again, but still said nothing. They both stayed silent for several minutes, the only sound being the twangy country music faintly playing over the café's speakers.

"He only had a few years before everything went downhill," Keith finally said.

"Yeah. And I let my frustration get to me. I didn't even get to say goodbye."

"Neither did I," said Keith.

"We were going to spend the rest of our lives together," said Adam. "But he insisted on going, and he said he knew the risk. But at the time, all I heard was his selfish desire to prove himself to be the best in everything he ever did, without thinking of the consequences!"

Keith's mouth was already open, but it progressively widened as Adam continued his frustrated speech. There was no stopping now. All that frustration was spilling out, even if Keith didn't know a damn thing.

"And now I'm here all alone because _he_ kept insisting on proving himself without thinking of himself or me!"

The idea had been floating in Keith's head for a while; a couple years, in fact. He flashed back to the little moments he caught between Shiro and Adam; the fond looks, the occasional soft touches, the way they worked so well as a team, those times he caught glimpses of them getting closer than two best friends usually did. Keith wondered, why wouldn't Shiro tell him about this? Didn't he trust him? But knowing Shiro, he figured that Shiro wanted Keith to figure it out for himself. Well, Keith could tell that Adam knew what Keith had concluded about his and Shiro's relationship. There was no way that Shiro and Adam were "just friends".

"You've figured it out, haven't you?" Adam asked.

"You and Shiro were—"

"A couple," Adam finished his sentence. "But we broke it off before he went to Kerberos."

Eyes widening, Keith stared at Adam, finally comprehending everything that Adam had just said. He was about to yell out, but he stopped himself, for fear of disturbing the senior citizens' gathering.

Too bad that's what happened anyway. "THEN WHY DID YOU LEAVE HIM!?"

The café's other patrons stopped what they were doing and turned to look at the two young men. Adam pushed Keith down and turned to the other patrons. "Sorry about that!"

The other patrons stared at them for a couple more seconds, before finally turning back to their own business.

"Do you think I don't live with that decision every single day!?" Adam hissed, now that their conversation was "private" again. "Keith, sometimes people make decisions they know will hurt others, not because they want to, but because they have to. I didn't want to end it with Shiro. But there was no easy answer. I got frustrated, and I let it get to me. You didn't live with him; I did. And I wouldn't trade all those years with him for anything in the world.

"I've made my peace with it as best I can, but… I still…" Adam sighed and rubbed his face. "I am so sorry. You're not to blame for any of this. I'm just so frustrated."

Another country song was playing over the sound system. Reluctant to say much more to Keith, he intently listened to the lyrics about a man who got angry with his girlfriend, let her go and regretted his decision. As awful as they often sounded, country songs knew how to tug on Adam's heartstrings. He felt his chest tighten and the tears welling up in his eyes as he thought about what he said to Shiro. A good song always had the power to affect someone's feelings, and country songs weren't just an example, but some of the best examples of this. Keith, whom Shiro said enjoyed country, particularly Johnny Cash, didn't seem to enjoy it as much, but still kind of did.

"… _that night I tried to take a stand  
Told you that you couldn't understand  
You got mad at me and ran out of the door  
Leavin' me to sink on down to the floor_

" _Baby I should've knooown betteeerrr  
But what was I suppoooosed to dooo  
I shoooouuuld have known better  
And I'm still so in looove with yoooou  
If we can get another chance  
I will always cheeerish yooouuu_  
 _I shoooouuuld have knooown betteeerrrr"_

"I've sung that song," Keith remarked. "I don't really like it."

"Neither do I," said Adam. "Hits too close to home. Of all the songs I need to hear right now…"

"I don't blame you."

"Yeah. But like I said, he insisted on going to Kerberos before his health went south. One day I just snapped and asked him how important I was to him. Had you been there, in that moment, you'd understand why I said it, but now I realize that I was pushing him away from me. It's not like he was innocent, either. Every time I asked him if he knew what he was doing, he'd get defensive. I think he wanted me to support him without question. In the end, both of us are to blame for it."

Keith's eyes sank to his coffee. Lifting it up, it felt like he'd barely even touched it. He probably hadn't.

"Where exactly did you trace this energy source to?" Adam finally asked to break the awkward silence.

"Near Supai and the Coconino Plateau," said Keith.

Adam thought about it for a few moments. That area was used to test aircraft and other vehicles. He'd even flown over the area before, but never found anything suspicious. It definitely concerned him that this angry kid had managed to find something so interesting. But he refused to make any connections. Coincidences happen.

"You say you live out near there?" Adam asked. "How often do you go?"

"Frequently," Keith answered. "I know there's something there, but I don't know how to get to it."

"Another thing I want to say," said Keith, "This happened after I found those markings."

"What was that?"

"I had a dream," Keith said, looking up at the sky. "I was flying through space. My friends were by my side. And there was someone there who meant a lot to me, but wasn't Shiro. It was a girl, but I forgot what she looked like. And I like I could trust all of them, and her, the most. I think they were following me, and we were fighting the world."

"Shiro always knew you that greatness lies in you," said Adam. "That must be why he was so dedicated to you. You two have something special. It's nothing like what he and I had, but it's like you two are brothers from another mother."

For the first time all day, Keith broke out laughing. Smiling, Adam reached out and patted the young man's shoulder, but quickly withdrew his arm when he saw an old lady looking at him from the corner of his eye. Had he been there with Shiro, he would have kissed Shiro and flipped the old lady off, Garrison discipline be damned. But he had to admit that touching a minor carried unfortunate implications.

"So what you're saying is, is that girl is your dream girl," Adam quipped, causing Keith groan.

"Geez, no wonder you two were so close," Keith muttered.

Adam chuckled. Catching a glance at his watch, he let out a long breath. "We should be going. You don't have any perishables in your groceries, do you?"

"You mean like meat and fruit? They're all in my fridge."

"Oh, that's right, you already told me," said Adam. "Well, I should be going. I don't like talking about Takashi that much, to be honest."

"Sure," Keith said.

Adam picked up his shopping bags, finished his latte and left a tip. He watched Keith walk out the door first and followed seconds later. Outside, Keith went straight for the hoverbike. He checked his groceries first, and when he saw that they were still in good condition, he hopped into the bike's seat. Adam strolled up to the young man's bike and watched him put his kerchief, helmet and goggles on. But just when he was about to start the engine up, Keith leaned back in his seat, removed his kerchief and goggles and turned to Adam.

"If I do bring Shiro back, I'm bringing him back for my own reasons. He never gave up on me, and I'll never give up on him."

Adam nonchalantly shrugged. "Do whatever you want. It's not like I'm threatened by you, or anything."

"What are you implying?"

"Nothing. Forget I said that. But if you do bring him back… please bring him back to me, too. Because I want to apologize."

"Any chance you'll get back together?"

"That depends on the both of us," said Adam. "You have potential, Keith. If Shiro saw it in you, then I guess it means something. But you have to get your act together before that."

"Yeah, sure," Keith said.

"History will have its eye on you one day," said Adam. "And when that happens, you'll have no control who lives, who dies or who tells your story."

"You can stop with the Hamilton quotes," said Keith.

Adam laughed. "Alright. I have a better one, then; be the person that Shiro and your father would be proud of."

"I will," Keith replied. He started up the engines, revved the bike and got ready to fly, but Adam stopped him before he could.

"ONE MORE THING!" Adam shouted over the roar of the engines, "IF YOU FIND THE GIRL OF YOUR DREAMS, DON'T MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE TAKASHI AND I MADE!"

"WHAT!?" Keith called over the roar of the engines.

"NEVER MIND!"

Keith shook his head, revved up his hoverbike and took off, leaving Adam behind. The latter was left to his own thoughts. The kid was impressive, no doubt, and he had a lot of potential. What he would do with that potential though, he wasn't sure if he'd ever see. But he was sure it would make Takashi proud.

Looking up to the sky, Adam sighed. "I know you're out there, Takashi," he said. "Just… please come back so I can apologize for everything."

He looked away from the sky, picked up his bags, and continued his interrupted walk down the street.

:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:-:

Hey guys, how's it going? Yet another Adam/Shadam fic. Yeah, my creative juices are flowing after that reveal about Shiro.

One of the reasons I wrote this up is because of an unfortunate trend amongst Keith/Shiro shippers *sideyes* is to compare Keith's love for Shiro with what Adam and Shiro had. Frankly, I'm insulted, because it's offensively OOC for all three characters (based on what we know for Adam). I've already been complaining about on Tumblr, but a Shiro/Keith shipper called me hateful for pointing out. I do want to mention that I started working on this one-shot long before that, so it had nothing to do with what I wrote up.

Anyway, I just wanted to write something realistic and in-character. I do see Keith having his own motivations for Shiro, and maybe getting a little angry, but he's still a mature young man. Besides, he's got a lot to learn.

(Also try and spot the Kallura biased foreshadowing XD)

Oh, and the song is mine! I wrote it! I haven't written the whole thing, though. And I haven't written the music. I couldn't find a good song that fit Adam's situation, that's why I wrote my own!

Hope you enjoyed it! Please leave a review!


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